Spederline tape for sale:

The News of the World story also alleges that the real reason that Britney suddenly decided to divorce him was because she caught Kevin cheating on her

In a fog/haze he arrises
past dawn, his dawgs around
the VIP room, the big screen on
why the hell did Brittney
leave him? The thrill may be gone
and 'Y'all Ain't Ready'
has totally bombed
so he needs to be the daddy.
Whether slutburned
or pre-nupburned
isn't he still K-fed?
His fans love him
when Britt is with Jared.
At least the tape's worth 26 million.

Rumsfeld replaced after poll loss

It's difficult in times like these
to write a happy poem
for how can we, the framers of history,
catalyze this joy with an image?
The Capitol bustles with movers in the halls,
but surely still, in an office somewhere
there is a fat man putting himself
into an intern. When the cars explode in Baghdad
surely there is chocolate for the soldiers
to offer the children. Don,
you admit there are
known knowns, and known unkowns
and unknown unkowns, but where the fuck
are you hiding Osama Bin Laden.

Saddam sentenced to death:
a sonnet

I am the president of Iraq.
I am above you and your father.
I am the president of Iraq.
What about the innocents killed in Bagdad?
I am the president of Iraq.
Long live the nation.
I am the president of Iraq.
Down with the traitors.
I am the president of Iraq.
Down with the invaders.
I am the president of Iraq.
To hell with your articles and clauses.
God is with me!
Hit yourself on the head with that gavel!

Powerful pastor's drug purchases shocks evangelicals

STATEMENT OF FAITH
adapted from http://www.tedhaggard.com/

Holy Bible: Left in my car when I go to the house of the prostitute.

Trinity: One preacher, one prostitute, crystal meth.

Jesus Christ: One preacher, 13 men. Where's the meth?

Virgin Birth: Sex with another man, no pregency.

Redemption: The preacher was created good and upright, the prostitute bent over.

Regeneration: For anyone to know man love, meth is essential.

Salvation: Meth is a gift from God, not a result of our good works or of any human effort.

Sanctification: Sanctification is the ongoing process of yielding to a prostitute.

Repentance: Repentance is the commitment to turn away from sin in every area of our lives, but sometimes, you just gotta get stoned and screw a dude.