The deputy mayor of the Indian capital Delhi has died a day after being attacked by a horde of wild monkeys.

SERIOUS HEAD INJURIES

It may look like we are
training larger, more
ferocious monkeys
to guard us from the hordes
of smaller monkeys. We know
what what we are doing,
Deputy Mayor; we know
what we did. Evolution
is an infestation too, Deputy
Mayor, an infestation in
your mind. We're reversing
the process, Deputy Mayor,
eliminating ourselves, one
by one, species by species,
ridding the world of thoughts
our heads are thinking--the
slowest suicide bombing
the world has ever seen.

'Bin Laden call' to Iraq fighters

Have you ever seen a ghost
talk to a ghost? They do it
on the internet all the time
they do it with cell phones.
Do you remember in ghostbusters
when egon got all slimed?
Well at least he touched the ghost
at least he knew
what he was chasing
was real. I liked the part
about the gate keeper
and I liked the part about
the key master. Even
when I was a kid
I knew that was about screwing.
Well, this ghost is screwing us
and its your fault. He gives
your movie 2 thumbs
up your butt.

Thais arrest paedophile suspect

"I'm Big inside of Thailand.
I'm huge on Cambodia."

Global hunt for child-sex suspect

my face is a whirlpool
of pain
I thought you were allowed
to have sex with boys
in cambodia
I thought that's what
cambodia is for
I thought my head
was an eraser
I'd erase myself in boys

iPod catches fire in pants

Another soundbite about Iran
another college speaker controversy
the white ninja yawned, napped,
and rose to look out over the fallowed
housing market
the blackwater river. A TSA employee with an
iPod caught his pants on fire. And it wasn't
because he played
"Sexual Healing" on the device
which reminds me,
I used to think maybe
sexual healing would help out the Shiites.
It's not
a story about what happened
it's about what could have been. Ninja
do you wet your mask
with tears? Yeah, ninja,
I wish we could float a moderate
electable candidate too. Ninja
I'm gonna vote for you.